So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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