he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
