dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
