you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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