Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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