The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
