my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
