i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
