one might say we're banned from that church
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
