At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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