Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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