Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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