Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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