So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
