Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
