I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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