there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
