i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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