Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
