I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
