Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
