your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am available for nakedness
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