So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
