i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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