Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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