Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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