I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize