Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
