I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
