On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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