Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
