Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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