What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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