Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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