yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
