True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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