He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
