Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Michael Bay diarrhea
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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