Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
