We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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