Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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