I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
