before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
