I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
