i think my tv is drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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