so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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