One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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