so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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