I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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