woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
