your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
