What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
