My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
